Dating Hiatus- Pros and Cons

I saw something on TV the other day that I found intriguing (I know that’s hard to believe- something interesting on TV . . . but I digress). Somebody wrote a book about the merits of taking a break from dating. You are supposed to use that time productively by writing a list of what you are looking for in a mate, and another list of what you would like to avoid. This will help you “get in touch with your own inner person”. I think the idea is that you have to love yourself before trying to convince someone else that you are worthy of their love. Since my last disastrous relationship that destroyed my life, my faith in men, my faith in friendship, and any desire to date again for a very long time I decided I have nothing to lose by trying this.

Now it has been three months since my last date. I won’t bore you with my lists, which are more than likely the same as yours, and every one else’s. We all have those lists etched in our subconscious minds like the Grand Canyon, forever and deeply engraved. Do we really need to write them down? Of course we are all looking for Prince Charming of one sort or another, and definitely not looking for a lazy, self-centered, negative and unattractive person to disrupt our lives. I suppose writing these things down did me some good. I will have something to look back on when I do find Mr. Right. Then I will be able to compare and discern how he doesn’t fit into my narrowed vision of perfection. I think it might be best to destroy those lists, on the off chance that he might find them and leave in abject despair and depression over not being perfect.

I do love and appreciate myself now, but I think I always did. This exercise has made me aware that I do not need a man to complete me, as I am already complete in myself, such as I am. I could live out my days without a man, filling my time with work, family, and friends, writing my dating blog until I am 95. By then I will have even more educated advice for all of the dateless and lonely men and women out there who are looking to me to perhaps save them from the fickle finger of fate.

Needless to say, I do not presume to suggest, condone or advise trying this dating hiatus thing unless you are sick of dating anyway, and just want to take a break to avoid jumping across the table in some dingy dive flailing a butter knife at your current blind date when he says something like “I thought you were getting the check.”, “What is your sign?” or my favorite “My ex used to hold her fork just like that.” Sometimes taking a break is a good thing . . . just because.

Dangerous Territory

So, there I was back in the dating world. Nothing great had come of it. I think I had either conversed with, dated or been rejected by just about every man on my online dating site between the ages of 40-60. There seems to be slim pickin's out there. But I was having some fun with the whole thing.

So who decides to walk, no, forcibly inject himself, back into my newly independent single life? My ex. He did this by calling daily, being supportive, sending flowers, and acting as though he genuinely missed my glorious presence in his otherwise dreary life.

Gullible person that I was, and still somehow connected at the heart with this man, I chose to believe his newly found enlightenment to my value. A seven hour flight across country (half of which was spent on the runway), and two months later, I was back home alone, depressed and with nary a date to be found. I had ignored all e-mails, winks and overtures from previous prospects, in hopes of "getting back together" with the "one meant for me". Oh, ye of little brain power. How could I have fallen for this again?

Oh, sure. He wanted me back. But what happened to all the phone calls, letters, cards, flowers and awe inspiring attention? Why did I again sit by the phone waiting for an itty bitty morsel of affection to appear?

Oh, to be in love again. The kind that makes your heart flutter and race uncontrollably when he enters the room, that makes you laugh and giggle for no reason when you talk about him (continuously, to the dread of your friends). It melts you when you look into his baby blues. Most of all, the kind of love that makes him think that you're a gift from God, the most beautiful creature on earth and in heaven, and that makes him feel he must have you in his life or he will simply die on the spot. Is that really too much to ask? Well, I don't think so.

So, do I continue with my quest for the perfect knight in shining armor, or do I settle for a life of secure, but monotonous boredom with the man who only sees me when I get in the way of the television screen? Such a dilemma! Well, I made up my mind. Let the dating begin!