A Single Red Rose

Photograph by Graur Codrin

"A rose for a rose.” he said with a wink and a smile.

The delicate red rose bud was perfect in every way. Things had been tense between them, and the gesture of love was just what she needed. The good feelings filled her heart to overflowing and made her smile. Reaching for the beautiful flower, Carey gushed, “I had better watch out for thorns.“ but as the flower touched her fingers it wasn’t a thorn that pricked her and her smile faded. The hard plastic scratched her hand, and the falseness of the gesture tore at her heart. Of course the flower was perfect. All phony flowers come out of a mold, identical to each other in almost every way.

Carey sniffed lightly at the flower and sighed." I had better put it in water. It smells so nice and we want it to bloom and flourish."

“ A puzzled look splashed across Mark’s face and his grin turned to a frown. “But honey, the flower isn’t real. Did you really think it was?”

A single tear trickled down her cheek, and she quickly dabbed it away. Carey thought about their relationship and how strained things had been. How real were his feelings for her? Although he professed to love her, and seemed to demonstrate his feelings in many ways, she had sensed a falseness about him and an emptiness in his eyes that hadn’t been there in the beginning. The fake flower, and the insincere gesture forced her to look at the situation realistically.

Carey leaned forward as she brushed the lock of hair from her eyes that had fallen out of place. Her look was pensive as she asked me “What do you think? Am I being overly sensitive? Maybe I’m looking at this wrong.”

The air was thick with negative vibrations but my own thoughts drifted to the many times that I had received velvet roses, stuffed bears and glass trinkets from my man. My own feelings were far removed from Carey’s as I had been delighted. How special it was that he had thought of me and wanted to bring me a gift. Why did she feel so differently? There had to be something more to it than just the falseness of the flower. Perhaps there had been other more important signs that the relationship was in peril.

“You should always pay attention to your feelings” I suggested. “There must be a reason you are thinking this way. Maybe some other problems?”

Carey sighed and looked away. I could see that I had struck a nerve and I heard the pain in her voice when she said, “I’ve tried so hard to get along with him. He is just so difficult. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Are there times when we are oblivious to the signs…even when they are flashing like neon lights right in front of our eyes? Do we hear the alarms when they ring loudly in our ears? It’s important to be alert and aware. Ignoring the warning signs can cause small problems to grow into bigger ones which become harder to deal with.

Carey and Mark were able to work things out once they saw the problems and dealt with them. She keeps her artificial rose bud in a vase on her night stand along with the ceramic angel Mark gave her for Christmas and the singing dog she received on Valentine’s day. They are the last thing she see’s when she goes to bed at night, and they greet her at the beginning of every day. They make her smile and so does Mark.

ONLINE DATING- FACT OR FISHING?

Online dating can be likened to surfing the treacherous monster waves in Hawaii, diving off the mega cliffs in Mexico, swimming across the English Channel, or taking a dip in shark infested waters. Sure, you hope it will be a fun and exciting adventure to laugh about later. But what is online dating really like?

While keeping a journal of my online dating experiences I have met some truly amazing men, enjoyed numerous delightful dates, and made some life-long friends in the cyber online dating process. Along with the displeasure of wrestling a few sharks, and extricating myself from some powerful undertows, I've escaped the vice like grip of an octopus in heat. On the sunny side, I can bask in the luxury of knowing there are some graceful dolphins, and a rainbow of unique, attractive catches out there.

In my experience so far I have been steering my raft through the wild rapids of online dating for a while now. My line has been cast into many tranquil lakes, choppy rivers and the ebb and flow of the ocean tides. Returning my share of catches back to the dark depths from which they came, I have managed to reel in some award winning prizes worthy of display. My rubber raft has sprang a few leaks, collided with jagged rocks, and the dolphins are having a blast bumping me off my safe little perch while singing delightfully. The friendly dolphins are keeping the cantankerous sharks away(for now), but I have been stung by a few transparent jelly fish with rather long reaching tentacles.

So my advice is to hang in there and keep throwing that line in to the online dating pond. Put lots of bright colored bait on the hook, and just enjoy the challenge and stimulation of the sport.

Honesty- honestly?

How honest are you on your internet profile? Are you willing to embellish in order to attract interest?

If you are truly honest on your online dating site, will anybody contact you? Can you really put yourself out there for the world to see and not scare people away?

When I wrote my online dating profile, I made every effort to be honest, factual and real. It can be very uncomfortable to finally meet the man you have been trading emails with for months on line only to find that he is three inches shorter and 50 pounds heavier than he portrayed himself to be. This is also true if you are the one who has falsely represented yourself on your online dating page. Eventually your perspective date will know everything, so be honest from the start.

When filling out your online dating profile, these are the questions to ask yourself and answer honestly.

How current is your picture?
It should have been taken within the last two years. If you don't have a current photograph, ask a friend to take a few, or go to a professional photographer to have some glamorous shots taken.

Is your age accurate?
If you say you are younger on your online dating site, eventually you will have to fess up. Everybody ages, so stand up and be proud. After all, would you really want a guy that's looking to rob the cradle, or is going to be overly critical of every little wrinkle?

What about your “body type”?
What is average? If you weigh 200 lbs. you are NOT average, no matter how many other women share your weight distribution.

Do you smoke, drink or do drugs?
These are things you must be honest about on your online dating profile. A non-smoker looking for another non-smoker will be disappointed and angry if you show up for your first online date with him smelling like you just inhaled a whole carton of cigarettes. You can only hide it for so long before he catches you slinking around in the backyard with smoke seeping out of your nostrils. So be honest from the start. Find another smoker that you can share cigarettes with.

I know it isn't always appropriate to post everything on your online dating profile, but at least be honest when conversing with someone. I have been sadly disappointed more then once when I found that my online date presented himself falsely. I know on occasion I would have liked the man had he just been truthful.

I want to be able to trust my friend and lover. Start out your relationship on a platform of honesty. Be proud of who you are, and if for some reason you are ashamed of yourself, then make some personal changes.

Be appreciated for who you are. A relationship based on illusion is pretentious. The best long lasting relationships are honest and real. This is what you must strive for, even if you have to take the long way around the block. If you arrive at the wrong destination, what is the point of being there?

Free as a Bird . . .

I have been on an online dating hiatus for a year now, and the time has come to decide if I want to end it and move on, or continue with my quest for self fulfillment.

This year away from online dating has been a real eye opener! I have learned a great deal about myself, my strengths, my virtues and I have increased my confidence. When I was always in a "relationship", it made things cloudy, and bogged down. Now the sky is as clear as a bright spring day! I feel light as a butterfly and free as a bird! I think I am now ready to move on. I will put no restrictions on myself, but let my life flow like a clear running stream. Life is good!

Dating Hiatus- Pros and Cons

I saw something on TV the other day that I found intriguing (I know that’s hard to believe- something interesting on TV . . . but I digress). Somebody wrote a book about the merits of taking a break from dating. You are supposed to use that time productively by writing a list of what you are looking for in a mate, and another list of what you would like to avoid. This will help you “get in touch with your own inner person”. I think the idea is that you have to love yourself before trying to convince someone else that you are worthy of their love. Since my last disastrous relationship that destroyed my life, my faith in men, my faith in friendship, and any desire to date again for a very long time I decided I have nothing to lose by trying this.

Now it has been three months since my last date. I won’t bore you with my lists, which are more than likely the same as yours, and every one else’s. We all have those lists etched in our subconscious minds like the Grand Canyon, forever and deeply engraved. Do we really need to write them down? Of course we are all looking for Prince Charming of one sort or another, and definitely not looking for a lazy, self-centered, negative and unattractive person to disrupt our lives. I suppose writing these things down did me some good. I will have something to look back on when I do find Mr. Right. Then I will be able to compare and discern how he doesn’t fit into my narrowed vision of perfection. I think it might be best to destroy those lists, on the off chance that he might find them and leave in abject despair and depression over not being perfect.

I do love and appreciate myself now, but I think I always did. This exercise has made me aware that I do not need a man to complete me, as I am already complete in myself, such as I am. I could live out my days without a man, filling my time with work, family, and friends, writing my dating blog until I am 95. By then I will have even more educated advice for all of the dateless and lonely men and women out there who are looking to me to perhaps save them from the fickle finger of fate.

Needless to say, I do not presume to suggest, condone or advise trying this dating hiatus thing unless you are sick of dating anyway, and just want to take a break to avoid jumping across the table in some dingy dive flailing a butter knife at your current blind date when he says something like “I thought you were getting the check.”, “What is your sign?” or my favorite “My ex used to hold her fork just like that.” Sometimes taking a break is a good thing . . . just because.

Compatible chemistry confusion!!!

COMPATIBLE CHEMISTRY CONFUSION!!!!

Online dating can be a lot of fun, but every time I make arrangements to meet someone I have met on my online dating site, I am a little apprehensive. Even if we have been conversing by email or instant messaging, or even by phone for awhile, there is no way of knowing if the chemistry will be right or not, until you actually meet.

I believe that chemistry is completely physical, and we are all very individual about what, or whom, we are attracted to. There are five senses, and they all need to be satisfied. Looks are important, but certainly not everything. The sound of his voice, the smell of his hair, the taste of his kiss and the touch of his hand . . . these are all significant, but the main factor happens to be pheromones. Let's face it, there is something highly erotic about a man fresh and sweaty from the gym (if in fact, the pheromones are right). And a little sweat in the bedroom can be a turn-on.

Perhaps it would be a good idea if we always meet at a gym for our first online date with someone. After a good, hard workout together, the chemistry factor will be poignantly clear. Just a thought. Me. . . .I like the idea of seeing the man hot and sweaty, in shorts and a tank, with his muscles bulging from lifting weights. But that's my fantasy.

So, back to reality . . . . .

It's chemistry first, and everything else later. I should know. I got an A in my Chemistry class in college! (It didn't have a THING to do with that HOT Professor LOL)!